6 years old, when his father finally met him
Year was 92, he was still in a great depression
Not regretting his mistake
Gave his youngest son away
Every day he’d live with
Like a doctor
Failing on a patient
This specific situation
Was not a visitation
Battle over custody
Family wasn’t functioning
Suddenly it made sense
His pops was out there on a guilt trip
So (Instead I cry)
Uncle took the ‘L’
Like commuters in the Chi
It was an open case adoption
But he lost it
When it came time to say goodbye
So (Instead I cry)
Couldn’t get him back
Even if he tried
Went out for the reach
Daddy’s hands were tied
Already lawyered up
Not sayin’ it was right
But displaced demons onto me
Dad’s defense mechanism
Rage out of despondency
So (Instead I cry)
Cuz he had too much pride
His old man was cold man
Mr. tough guy
Be a real man, goddam
Tale as old as time
So (Instead I cry)
Guess it’s our environment
Products of the projects
Better stop it
Before them boys call you a bitch
They’ll let you know
You actin like a hoe
That’s just how it goes
The block would knock him
Simply for being sensitive
So he ended up alone as a kid
(Instead I cry)
All he needed was a friend
Vibe to Eminem
Inspired with a pen
No fans but if he could not vent
(Instead I cry)
6 days a week just to sleep
Sidesteppin' anyone he’d see
Hide and seek, being weak
He won’t speak about it
For the sake of masculinity
Sacrificed his spirit with his inner peace
For their comfortability, seriously?
(Instead I cry)
These damn eyelids are
Holding floods back
He built the walls too high
To let anyone inside
He knows they would judge that
(Instead I cry)
Like who does that?
A breakable bad boy
No girl loves that
Makes em mad uncomfortable
To have a dude that’s vulnerable
So being open with emotions
Then being heartbroken
Ehhh, yeah man
It’s gon be hard to trust that, fuck that
(Instead I cry)
Sadness turns to anger
Cycle might replay
He’s slowin down the danger
Like construction on the freeway
Don’t need hate, no
(Instead I cry)
Cuz it’s healthier than
Poppin pills from the bottle bruh
Even with our bottles up
We’d be standing bottled up
Tryna be the rock
I’m not talkin Mr. Johnson
Prove I was a big man
More like Mr. Swanson, Ron son
(Instead I cry)
Fuck the tangents
Ima keep it candid
All this shit you heard dog
Well you probably already know who that man is
Yeah kids
(Instead I cry)
I’m not afraid to say it
To your face or in these raps
And even with no stacks or plaques
It’s meant to help my ass relax
For my homies in the hood
Struggling, not out yet
I know you feel drained
But promise you'll keep on
Searchin for that outlet
(Instead I cry)
For every man who can’t cry
Cuz you think it makes you lesser
Get rid of that mind set
Guarantee you gon feel better
(Instead I cry)
Ladies let go of the label
That you shed so many tears
It’s been you against the world
For how many years
My grandma say its human trait
There’s no shame in someone’s pain
Black, white, brown, yellow
Thick, thin
Transgender, Gay, or straight
(Instead I cry)
I cry for you
Cuz you never could
(Instead I cry)
For anyone that wants but
Thinks they aren’t allowed to
I can’t take you to the bank
But I promise that this space is safe
And once you get all past this
You should be hella proud dude, yeah
Freakin hella dude
(Instead I cry)
You'll be lookin back freakin hella proud dude.